With all the drama lately (and the heavy posts), today I caught myself in a bit of a humorous state.  I was mingling with the dogs while doing my daily routine, and heard myself say the dumbest thing.  It was then that I realized…”I say these dumb things on a daily basis.  To the average person I must sound like a complete idiot!”  You see, I talk to my animals as if they are human and understand everything I say.  Then, apparently, I hear their response (???).  I truly do feel that if someone were to ever video me, I’d be committed.

So my “wake up” conversation was when I opened the refrigerator door and suddenly found Grace at my feet, anxious with bulding eyes.  She was “hopping” and barking at me, giving me “what for.”  I looked down at her, chuckled, and asked:

Alli: “Did you know that was the refrigerator? Did you know that pretty girl?”

Grace: “I was two rooms away. I am now here barking incessantly at you. What do you think?”

Alli:  “What a smart girl you are! How did you know that Miss Grace-A-Rue?”

Grace: “I’m good. Now give me that food in your hand.”

I swear to you that she did, indeed, talk to me that way, demanding food.

Other things started coming to mind, and the more I thought of them, the more ridiculous I felt.  For instance:

Alli: “Are you sleeping, sweetie?”

Dog: “I’m snoring. Did you REALLY just ask me that question?”

Alli: “That is not acceptable behavior, young man, you know that. You should be ashamed of yourself!”

Dog:”What are you gonna do…beat me?  Didn’t THINK so.”

or

Dog:”Why are you mad at me? HE started it? I can’t help that he ran by me, knocked me over, hurting my paw, and slamming me into the table.  Is that really MY fault? I was running through the house first, and he should have waited his turn!”

Alli: “Do you wanna sleep with mama, baby?”

Dog: “I’m already on the bed…where’s the confusion?”

Alli: “Now honey, you know you have to take your medicine.  Do not spit it out like that….do not run away from me!”

Dog: “I DON’T WANT MY MEDICIIIIIIIIIINE!!!!”

Alli: “You are being SO naughty! Why are you acting this way?”

Dog: “Because I can.”

Alli: “Noelle, WHAT are you doing??”

Noelle: “How do I know? I have no eyes, you big bozo.”

Alli: “When I asked you to move, I didn’t mean to walk directly under my feet as you were moving.”

Dog: “You specified no direction.”

Alli: “You want a piece of cheese, sweetie?”

Dog: :”Is it really necessary to even ask that question, mother???”

These things I do on a regular basis.  Sometimes in normal, everyday voice, sometimes in “mommy voice,” and sometimes in baby talk.  I suppose that makes me certifiable? I’d venture toward the “yes” side…but gosh darn it’s fun! 😉

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