I’m sitting here in the wee hours of the morning, unable to sleep, knowing I have to get up in 2 1/2hrs, yet still unable to close my eyes and rest.  I am thinking of what is to come with my heartworm postive babies…Preston, Honey, Nicholas and Hudson.  In a few hours I’m to take in the three boys to see where we are at in terms of progression.  Honey, we already know, is getting pretty advanced, so she’ll be first on the list, no doubt.  As for the others, I have to do x-rays to find out their status, so that I can know who is 2nd, 3rd and 4th.  I am hoping to do 2 at a time, granted finances and my own body can handle walking two dogs on top of everything else, plus my personal boy who had knee surgery, totaling 3 “walk-ees.”  Thinking about this, it’s a little exhausting to imagine inserting 2 extra dog walks, multiple times a day, on top of feeding, medicating, letting the others in and out, preparing for outings and doing it all before I have to leave to go somewhere…yet I think of holding off and that’s frightening, as well.  I hate to think of treating one at a time and waiting 4 months to get to the last dog.  Who knows what can happen w/the progression of those nasty worms in that amount of time…could get pretty ugly.  So I sit and ponder.

Financially it’s intimidating, as well.  Not only is heartworm treatment expensive by itself, there’s the xrays, bloodwork for Honey, if not the others, too, and two days in the hospital each.  I’m not getting any food donations either, at this point, so I have to purchase it all…I’m going through about 55lbs of food in 2 days, as it stands.  That sounds absurd to say it out loud, but it’s true.  If I can’t find someone to donate food (meaning stores, dog food manufacturers, etc), then rescue will not be able to continue.  I simply cannot afford to buy that much dog food a week.  I’ve been lucky thus far due to the sale of my home, but I won’t be able to do it for much longer. I don’t understand why more don’t donate broken bags…they can’t do anything else with them…why not donate?  Yet they don’t.

This is the prime example why I preach to others with big hearts, or who are new in rescue, why you cannot get in over your head.  You can get into a heap of trouble.  Fine advice I give…I can’t even practice it myself, apparently.  In my defense, I had no idea that I could ever pull 4 heartworm postive dogs at one time.  Sure, there’s always a possibility, but my goodness…who’d of thought it’d actually take place?  Sometimes I wonder if it’s the good Lord testing me or saying “Alli…we need to talk.” Perhaps he’s laughing at me and saying “See, you bullheaded little thing…you can think you’re too hot to trot, huh?”  My response, I suppose, would be “Okay – you’ve made your point…but you know, it’s really a good thing I’m doing, and you always said you’d never give me more than I can handle, that you’d always help me through it…so help me!” 😉 He’d probably give me the same look my mother would give me as a child…the “Now, young lady…” look.

I suppose instead of sitting here missing sleep, the only thing I can do is go with the flow.  I don’t do this well because I like to have a plan of action and all of the answers lying right in front of me.  I will talk to Doc tomorrow, and perhaps we can get that plan mapped out a bit.  Who knows…it might even work. 😉